Hi all.. So I’m trying to understand something about myself and am wondering how many others feel this way and how you approach it.

When I see something beautiful I appreciate it but the feeling of delight and wonder I get is often coloured by a melancholy undertone.

I don’t think I want this. I enjoy the delight, the joy and the wonder of seeing and experiencing beautiful things (have you noticed a bunch of sunrise/sunset/nature photos recently, dear reader?) but it feels odd that it also sometimes creates that feeling of sadness. The sadness isn’t there all the time but it seems to flare when the happiness does as well. This feels odd.

I’ve asked several close friends and family and I’m definitely not alone in this feeling, but nobody I’ve spoken to who feels similarly (and there are several) seems to understand why.

I learned some invaluable lessons from a few more friends over the years (you know who you are, and thank you) about taking joy and delight in the moment, and I’m doing that better now than I ever have. I stop during a parkrun to photograph a pretty tree or an interesting creature. I squirrel at a bird doing something silly or a single flower in a shrubbery. I stop during an adventure race for a smoothie because there’s a stall selling them, and during a rainy sportive at a cafe to drink coffee and watch a ridiculous scrawny chicken (don’t ask). I sing. I dance. I sports. I love doing all these things. I play.

One friend has said that he doesn’t travel solo much because he wants (needs?) to share the experience with someone special. Another has quoted the character Beverley Clark from Shall we Dance: “We need a witness to our lives.” I know I presently lack a partner to share it with and that’s a part of it but not the whole story - it’s not just a recent thing.

I want to see a beautiful sight and simply be happy to have had that experience. No side-helping of wistful anything. Adler says (over-simplified summary) that we can simply choose to be content with having had that experience. Have you achieved this? If so, how? Were you always that way? Is it a skill you learned?

Is this why so many people Instagram their lives? What’s your own experience?

P.S. Yes, I’ll also ask a psychologist or two and report back 🙂

P.P.S. I think I have my answer